I’ve started and stopped this post what feels like a hundred times. To be honest, I’m not sure how to explain where I’ve been because it’s not my story, my medical journey, to share. But, essentially, for over a month now, I have been in the hospital all day, every day. The first 3 weeks, it was nearly 24 hours, only coming home to shower and change. Still, I am there every single day. I am not able to work well while I am there. I attempt to, but, frankly, it’s loud. And when it’s not loud, the noise, the fears, the worries, in my own head are distracting. The journey is not over either. There is still a long stretch of road to travel in his recovery.
Beyond that, Tuesday is the one year anniversary for my children’s grandmother’s passing. Every minute I am met with silence, my mind wanders back to a year ago, back to those difficult days leading up to her passing. I remember it all so vividly, what I was doing, what I was wearing, what we talked about when she was lucid. I remember the way she felt as I lifted her and moved her around. I remember the feel of her bones as I hugged her. I remember it all, every minute detail, but especially her last breath. There is nothing more gut wrenching and awe inspiring at once than to hold someone, to watch as they take their final breath.
The way that I deal with things is to simply push forward. It’s not that I ever forget; it’s that I choose not to think about things most of the time. I do this for multiple reasons. First and foremost: I never want to be a bitter person. Dwelling on the negative in my past will not make me a better person today or tomorrow. Rather, it will tether me to the bad times, it will weigh me down and it will destroy the opportunities I have in the present. There is no point being stuck on a time, on a point in time, that you can’t change. It’s all about the Prayer of Serenity.
No body has the perfect life, despite what appearances may attempt to convey. The life it looks like someone leads on Instagram is just that 99% of the time: looks. My life is not perfect. I am not perfect. But I am trying to perfectly balance things the best I can. Admittedly, I am failing horribly right now, but I am still trying.
So, what have I done, aside from stare at scrubs all day between monitors beeping, the TV blasting, and the occasional unsightly scene? Work. Believe it or not, I have been working.
YOUTUBE: Not Just Another Fat Girl
I’ve decided to branch out, beyond social media, beyond my website, and beyond my books. I’ve created a body positive channel where I can post messages, much the way I would occasionally post body positive blogs on here. These are messages, words of encouragement, to you, from me. They are messages I wish I could deliver in person to you. They are the words I wish the entire world could hear. And the first video is an introduction to me, to the channel, and to my thoughts, my views, and my hopes surrounding the hot topic of body image. You will get some very personal snippets in there, much the way you do with my books.
The first video is very rough, but I hope you deem it worth the watch. CLICK HERE to watch it!
It’s still in the works.
I have 5 slots remaining, for those that are interested in joining. – For those of you who have joined, I will send out your 5 complimentary titles as soon as I am able to catch my breath from everything.
NEW RELEASE: Her Sailor
This is a deeply personal title for me. It is NOT a lighthearted read. It contains heavy subject matter. It is short yet intense. It is compact, yet, hopefully, powerful with its message.
Military Quickies, Book 4
A BBW Contemporary Military Title
It was one bad decision.
It was one mistake they both had to live with.
Now they have one last chance to save their marriage.
Three months ago, plus size Remy chose her sister over her own husband. Now her sister, Rory, is on her deathbed, having attempted to end her life, and Remy must face her choices head on.
After three months of separation, upon hearing about Rory, John returns to his wife’s side because, frankly, he’s a decent man, and it’s the right thing to do. But what starts out as nobility soon becomes determination.
Could the person who tore them apart be the one who brings them back together forever? A lot can happen in three months. A lot more can happen in a single night, though.
Buy or Borrow it Now: AMAZON
I will continue to be at the hospital all day, every day that I do not have an event, and even on those days, I will likely be there around those preplanned itineraries.
July 31st – August 2nd – I am an attending, participating, and signing author at Indie Bookfest in Orlando, Florida. Feel free to find me and say hi!
August 7th – August 15th – I will be out of town, huddled away somewhere writing my little heart out with a super sexy, super talented author who shall remain nameless for the moment.
August ? – My sister is preggers and will be popping in the middle of the month sometime. I’m the DD: designated delivery-woman. Meaning, she will kick her hubby out of the room before she kicks me out of the room when it comes time to deliver my nephew.
August 24th – I will be celebrating and crying because my children will be back in school, but I will officially be the mother of a middle school kid. (I could feel more grays sprouting as I typed that.)
…I’m sure there is more that I should relay. I know there was more that I wanted to say. But, frankly, it’s 1am and I’m running on fumes. I will be working on things behind-the-scenes, but, rest assured, I never truly stop working.
I hope y’all have a wonderful week! – Christin